


Blood and Tears

by Crossroads_Castiel



Series: No One Needs to Know [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comforting Castiel, Crying Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Showers, Sneaking Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 17:12:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9832649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crossroads_Castiel/pseuds/Crossroads_Castiel
Summary: !2x12 aftermath to go along with No One Needs to Know SeriesDean and Castiel sat in silence as they drove back toward town. Dean reached over and held his hand, palm up, Castiel’s blood still staining his fingertips. It was everywhere, Dean thought to himself. He held his breath and waited for the familiar feel of Cas’ palm against his. He wasn’t given long to wait before their fingers were laced together effortlessly. No sound invaded the car except the sound of the wind hissing against the glass and the spin of the tires on the asphalt. Dean knew it wouldn’t take long to get to the diner and Castiel’s truck. He had a feeling Cas would try to bolt, heading off in search of Kelly in a fruitless mission to escape the pain and fear they’d both had to swallow down only a few ticks of the clock ago. As they merged onto the highway, Dean’s eyes were drawn to the strip of hotels. Not the crappy roach motels they were used to either. Decent hotels that families and businessmen stayed at, with nice showers and fluffy beds with pearly white sheets and heaters you didn’t have to hit with your hand to make run….





	

**Author's Note:**

> I really struggled with this one because the episode was so perfect but I felt I had to write something! I hope you enjoy.

When they walked out of the barn, Dean stared at his mother’s jeep and the Impala. The passenger door of Mary’s vehicle was still swung open and Dean could see blood splattered all over the upholstery, Castiel’s blood. He grimaced and averted his eyes, the memory still far too fresh. He knew Castiel’s truck was still parked at the diner and they needed to get it back. He glanced to Cas, who was hovering awkwardly behind him. He wasn’t letting him out of his sight. 

Mary glanced between Dean and Castiel, her and Sam locking eyes unseen. “Sam, will you come with me and help me get Wally’s body? We need to do a proper hunter’s burial. Dean, you and Cas can head to get the truck. It’s late and getting later. Sam and I can stay in town tonight and I’ll drop him off at the bunker tomorrow. Sound good?” 

Dean’s forehead creased and his eyes tightened. “I can help. It’ll take you guys longer without us.”

Sam shook his head, his long hair slipping from behind his ears. “I got this. The sooner you guys get that damn lance in the Bunker lock up, the better I’ll feel,” Sam mumbled as he glanced at the weapon in question, the broken halves gripped tight in Dean’s fingers with the tip pointing harmlessly at the ground below.

Dean glanced down at the lance and nodded once, looking up to try to read into what Sam was trying to do. “Okay, but call if you need help. Let me know when you two get settled in at the hotel.”  
Castiel said nothing as Sam and Mary both clapped him on the shoulder before he slid into the Impala’s passenger seat, trying to avoid getting his blood on the interior. Dean threw the lance in the trunk, slammed the hood, and slid in beside Castiel. He nodded at Sam and Mary both in turn before they drove off, gravel crunching under the tires. Sam and Mary looked to one another as Dean and Cas drove off.

Dean and Castiel sat in silence as they drove back toward town. Dean reached over and held his hand, palm up, Castiel’s blood still staining his fingertips. It was everywhere, Dean thought to himself. He held his breath and waited for the familiar feel of Cas’ palm against his. He wasn’t given long to wait before their fingers were laced together effortlessly. No sound invaded the car except the sound of the wind hissing against the glass and the spin of the tires on the asphalt. Dean knew it wouldn’t take long to get to the diner and Castiel’s truck. He had a feeling Cas would try to bolt, heading off in search of Kelly in a fruitless mission to escape the pain and fear they’d both had to swallow down only a few ticks of the clock ago. As they merged onto the highway, Dean’s eyes were drawn to the strip of hotels. Not the crappy roach motels they were used to either. Decent hotels that families and businessmen stayed at, with nice showers and fluffy beds with pearly white sheets and heaters you didn’t have to hit with your hand to make run….Suddenly Dean took a hard right into the first hotel they came to and he pulled into the check in driveway. Castiel looked over at him, his eyes tight and confused. 

“I’m wiped, man. I can barely keep my eyes open to drive. Stay here, I’ll be right back,” Dean muttered, over exaggerating stretching and rubbing his eyes all the way to the doors, that whisked open silently as he stepped up to them. Dean realized too late he had blood on his right hand so he stuck it stiffly in his pocket and pulled out his wallet left handed as he smiled kindly to the front desk clerk. Dean felt Castiel’s eyes on him as he paid for the room and walked back out to the waiting vehicle, wiggling the key card between his fingers. 

Dean silently poured himself back into the driver’s seat and pulled the Impala to the back of the lot. Castiel cleared his throat and Dean looked over with a quirked eyebrow. “Isn’t it risky to get a hotel room in the same town your mother and Sam will be staying at?” Cas said quietly, his head tilted to the side. 

“One. Winchesters don’t typically spend $130 bucks a night on a hotel room. They aren’t gonna stop here. Two…I don’t care,” Dean said with conviction as he slid out of the car and went to the trunk to grab his duffel bag. Castiel quickly stepped out of the car but they both realized at the same time the state of Cas’ shirt and coat. Dean’s eyes tightened as he stared at the vivid reminder and he tossed Castiel the duffel bag. 

“Hold that to your front, and here,” Dean peeled off his black over shirt and arranged it over Cas’ bloodstained hands. He stepped back and nodded at his handwork. “Okay, come on.” Dean headed for the glass side door, keycard in hand. As he slid the keycard and they stepped inside, the only sounds were the hum of the heater. Dean nodded toward the elevator and they stepped inside, side by side. Dean pressed the 3 button and they were whisked upwards, neither man saying anything still. They stopped in front of the number plaque and Dean nodded to himself, heading to the left and stopping in front of 312. He slid the keycard in and swung the door open, making appreciative noises at the room as it revealed itself to him. 

“This is nice! Let’s just _live_ here…” Dean chuckled as he looked at the mini kitchen and the small couch against the wall. A small half wall divided it from the king sized bed, that was indeed as fluffy and white as he’d imagined. “Quite a contrast from the last hotel we stayed in huh?” Dean said with a nervous smile as he looked back at the Angel hovering just inside the door. 

“Dean, I’m going to get blood on everything…” Castiel said with worry in his tone. He was not yet strong enough to clean his body of the signs of his near death experience. Castiel seemed afraid to move lest he soil the room. Dean smiled sadly and reached behind Cas to lock the door. 

“I’ll help. Here, give me the duffel,” Dean said as he gently took the jacket and duffel from Cas’ arms. He sat them on the little couch before turning back to his oddly quiet Angel. “Okay, just hold out your arms. Most of the…blood…seems dry anyway. Trench coat off first,” Dean commanded in a gentle tone as he carefully removed the coat and laid it gently on the dresser. He came back and did the same with Castiel’s blue suit jacket. “You really over layer….” Dean grumbled as he laid it aside as well. 

Castiel raised an eyebrow as he took in Dean’s layers. “You’re one to talk…” and a small smile played the corner of his lips for the first time tonight. 

Dean let a small smile ghost along his own, feeling some of the tension drain away between them. “Point taken….” Dean then began to slowly fumble with the sticky buttons of Cas’ dress shirt, their smooth surface coated in dried blood. The left corner of his shirt was fully saturated, growing stiff from the amount of blood seeped into the normally crisp white fabric. The collar of Cas’ shirt still had several ink black stains from the ooze that had been Castiel’s insides pouring out of him. Dean shuddered, locking eyes with Cas. His hands began to shake and he desperately tried to blink away the tears suddenly pricking at the corners of his eyes. He’d been so strong and maintained in that damn barn. Now was not the time to lose it. 

“Dean…” Castiel whispered as he went to bring a hand up to cup his face in his hands but he hesitated and dropped it back down at his side. “I don’t want to get my blood all over you…” Dean grabbed up the very hand he’d dropped and he held it to his face, letting his eyes close for a moment. 

“Won’t be the first time Cas…but I’m gonna need it to be the last. Fuck, Cas. It was so close tonight…You almost di…” The words caught in his throat and Dean scrambled to undo the rest of the buttons before quickly peeling off the soiled shirt and exposing Castiel’s unmarred torso. He ran his hands along the track where the black, spidery veins had been and the point on his left side where the gaping wound had been not even an hour before. His hands now only traced along the perfect lettering of Cas’ Angel Warding tattoo…hidden behind a thick layer of Castiel’s dried blood. 

“But I didn’t…isn’t that what counts?” Cas said quietly as he began unbuttoning his pants. “I’ll get in the shower and wash this all off and it can be like none of it ever happened…” 

“No, it can’t….You…Shit, Cas,” Dean threw himself at him, his arms wrapping around his neck and Castiel immediately moved his arms up to wrap him in his own. Dean stiffened in his arms and Cas was about to pull away to see the matter and he heard Dean begin to sniffle. 

“Oh, Dean. It’s okay…I’m fine. I didn’t mean to cause you pain…” Cas murmured in his ear softly as his hand moved in soothing circles along his back. 

“Cas, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t…I couldn’t help you…”Dean said softly, his face buried in the soft skin of his neck, hiding the tears that were finally escaping. 

“You were there…That’s all I could ask for if I was going to die, though it was foolish of you to fight Ramiel…” Castiel said with a resigned sigh. 

“If you really thought I would leave you, you don’t really understand how I feel. Cas, I love you. I would never leave you alone to die…” Dean’s body was wracked with sobs, his words being choked out between them. Castiel clung to him helplessly. 

“Shh, Dean. It’s okay. It’s all okay,” Cas’ fingers dug gently into his back now, trying to navigate the tide of Dean’s unexpected emotions. He’d never seen Dean like this. “I’m alive.”

“Thanks to Crowley….” Dean sniffled, trying to reign in the sobs. “We didn’t even think to try to save your life by breaking a stick…”

“In your defense, you were a bit distracted when my insides boiled out of my mouth…I didn’t think the solution would be that simple either…” Castiel shivered as he spoke, remembered the feeling of the black ooze sliding across his tongue. He wouldn’t elaborate for Dean’s sake but it had tasted bitter and metallic and he could still taste it in the back of his throat. “Come on, Dean. Let’s get in the shower. Everything’s okay.”

Dean sniffled again and swiped his hand under his eyes. He leaned out of Cas’ arms and Castiel was startled by the sheer vulnerability left there. He’d never seen Dean like this with his eyes red rimmed with tears…tears for almost losing him. “Dean, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen…” Castiel murmured as he ran a thumb under his eyes, tracing the tear tracks along his cheeks. 

“Yeah, no. I’m a sobbing mess…” Dean half laughed as he raked his hand through his hair. 

“Which makes you no less beautiful to me. You should know that by now. I was crying not an hour ago…Come on, let’s shower off this day,” Cas said with a soft smile as he grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him into the bathroom. They both raised their eyebrows appreciatively at the room. Though one side was the basic vanity and toilet, the shower was plenty big for the two of them and had a large rain shower head, a bench seat, and a clear glass wall on one side, the other side open to the bathroom. 

“Okay, we _can_ live here…” Castiel said with a smirk as Dean began pulling off his clothes. 

“Time to upgrade the bunker bathrooms…look! No steel shower stalls. Robes! There are robes!” Dean grinned as he touched the sleeve of the fluffy white robe on the towel rack. 

Castiel had shed his pants and underwear and already stepped in the shower, anxious to get the blood off of him. He would not let Dean see how fractured he still felt. Physically he felt fine, but to truly know Death was imminent…Every other time he had died had been quick and surprising. This slow, painful death was his least favorite…and having to watch the suffering in his families faces…family. Cas watched the water turn red as it hit his stomach and he watched it swirl down the drain, a stark contrast to the clean white tile. 

Dean had heard the shower turn on and he stared through the clear, unfogged glass at Cas. He was whole and unmarred by today’s events, at least physically. Dean leaned against the counter as he unbuckled his belt and pants button and let them hit the floor. He never stopped staring at Castiel through the glass. Even now, while he was sniffly and post-cry, he couldn’t help but desire his Angel. He’d come here to keep him a bit longer, hold on a bit longer, before Cas ran off in search of Kelly again. He’d truly not had sex on the mind as he chose this, but now he felt starved to touch him, to prove he was here and alive; to hold him in that damn fluffy, white bed until the sun came up. Shit, when had he become a damn romantic. He smirked to himself and slid behind Castiel in the shower, sighing as the hot water struck his skin. He stepped into Cas’ space, putting himself flush against his back, reaching his arms around to place his palms on his Angel’s now blood free skin. 

Cas leaned his head back on Dean’s shoulder, his unwavering rock as he was his. They both sighed at once, sagging into one another. “Dean, I’m sorry I said…in front of your family…” Castiel began, his hand finding a hold on Dean’s naked, slick hip. 

“It was fine, and fucking heartbreaking to do to me…” Dean said as he kissed along Cas’ neck.

“I’m sorry…I just couldn’t die without making sure you…you all knew…” Castiel said as his fingers dug into Dean’s skin and he leaned his head to the side to allow Dean more access to his neck. 

“Of course I knew, but if you were going to die, I’m glad you said it…but never do that again, die that is,” Dean growled out softly as he sunk his teeth into the skin of Cas’ shoulder. 

Castiel gasped, it turning into a whimper. Dean preferred that whimper to the ones of pain he’d heard his lover make earlier. He needed to drown out those sounds and images in his head to ones of pleasure and happiness. Dean just didn’t know that Cas needed it too. “Cas, I need you…” Dean murmured as he pressed him into the tile, the shower spray hitting Dean’s back now. 

“Please…” Cas whispered, his hands braced against the tile. 

Dean groaned as he slotted himself against Castiel’s olive skin. His hands kneaded into Cas’ stomach and he moaned happily as Castiel arched into his touch. “I didn’t bring you here for this…” Dean gasped out as he kissed along his spine.

“Not that I’m complaining, but if not this, what?” Castiel said as he turned his back to the shower wall and ran his hands along Dean’s shoulders, kissing his neck and chest.

“I…I wasn’t ready to let you leave again yet…you were going to when I got you to your truck weren’t you?” Dean sighed as he said it, trying to keep this thoughts in line as Castiel was leaving burning trails of kisses along his skin. 

“I….I hadn’t decided yet…” Cas said with honesty as he nuzzled into the skin of Dean’s chest. “You said for us to go home…I wanted to, but I have to find Kelly.”

“You just almost died…You could give me one damn night to take care of you,” Dean said as he dropped to his knees suddenly, burying his face the soft flesh of his stomach. “One night, Cas, for almost dying and leaving me here alone?”

Castiel gasped and kneeled down in the shower, both of their heads now in the shower spray. He pressed their foreheads together to block the water. “Dean, I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was running away. I’m here, tonight, and whenever you call me. There will always be things we have to do apart from one another, but if you need me to stay, I will stay. You only have to ask. We _have_ tonight, alone, together. We can do whatever you want…”

Dean was thankful for the soft spray of the shower. It was perfect camouflage for the few stray tears still escaping. He was not a crier, but today…today had been one of the most terrifying and painful moments in his life. He felt safe and comfortable with Cas, the only one in the world he ever allowed himself to cry in front of. Dean clutched Castiel’s face between his hands and kissed him hard and rough, catching the Angel off balance. “I want you not to run off without a word. I want you to allow yourself to rest after almost dying. I want to wake up and you still be here in the morning. I want a lot of things Cas…” Dean said between kisses, leaving Castiel panting at his urgency. 

“Okay, Dean. Okay. Let’s get showered…Come on,” Castiel grabbed to the side of the shower to stand up and pulled Dean up effortlessly. They spent the rest of the shower soaping one another up gently and Cas let Dean wash his hair, watching Dean’s face go soft as he allowed him to pamper him. Castiel allowed himself to relax in the comforting, familiar touch of him. When they were both clean, Cas bent down and turned the water off while Dean tiptoed out and grabbed towels. Castiel followed him and as soon as they were dry, Dean tossed him one of the fluffy white robes, grinning. They both slipped the robes on and padded to the bed. 

Dean flopped unceremoniously onto the inviting white comforter and Castiel smiled with feeling as he sat gracefully down and swung his legs up. “Well, now you have me. What shall you do with me?”  
Dean’s grin had Castiel rolling his eyes for the first time since the diner. “Oh, what was all that business with the waitress about? You’re not wrong. She smelled like food, but we both know she’s not my type….” Cas said as he quirked an eyebrow and ran his finger along Dean’s jaw. 

Dean shivered and leaned into the lingering touch. “Oh, um, well…She started hitting on you first and I figured if you were interested in her…”

“Dean…That is one of the more ridiculous things I have ever heard you say. Why would I ever be interested in her when I have you?” Cas said as he tilted his head in curiosity. “She was attractive enough, and yes it is nice to have one’s appearance complimented by strangers, but you are the only one I am interested in being intimate with. I thought I had made that abundantly clear…”

“Well, I think part of it was my…jealousy. I overcompensated in front of Wally…” Dean grumbled, his face turning red with embarrassment. 

“You called me devastatingly handsome…..It wasn’t a good cover, love,” Cas laughed softly as he leaned over and kissed the exposed portion of chest the robe didn’t cover. 

“You throw me off balance, man. Always have…I never get my thoughts straight when you’re getting hit on…” Dean grinned as he threaded his fingers through Cas’ dark hair. 

“And you think my life has been so simple with you being covered in loose women?” Castiel said with a growl as he untied the tie of Dean’s robe and ran his hands along his chest, nails digging lightly into the anti-possession tattoo.

“I know, I know…” Dean gritted out through clenched teeth as he arched into his touch. “How many times do I have to apologize for that?” 

“Just stop trying to hook me up with random strangers and we’ll call us even…” Cas murmured against Dean’s skin as his tongue slid across his hip bones. 

“You…you should be resting, Cas,” Dean gasped out as he felt his Angel’s mouth graze along his naked, damp thighs. “You almost died…”

Castiel looked up at Dean as he laid his slightly bristled cheek on his exposed thigh. “I almost died…Why would I waste one moment resting when I can feel your skin next to mine?”

“Damn you and your pretty words…” Dean moaned out as Castiel went back to leaving hot, open mouthed kisses along his skin. 

‘Well, there are many other things I could be doing other than talking, if you’d join me….” Castiel crooned out with a lift of his eyebrow. 

“Oh, Hell…” Dean groaned as he sat up and whipped off his robe.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------  
They’d left the heavy curtains open, just the sheers left to block out the day. They had never had the luxury of awaking together with the sun. Castiel had always had to dart out of Dean’s room or leave after quick love, but this morning the sun peeked through the curtains and revealed their entwined limbs, their faces pressed nose to nose as if they fell asleep staring at one another. Dean actually awoke first, alarm bells ringing in his head as he stared at the closed lids of Castiel. 

“Cas!” Dean said louder than he intended, his voice thundering in the early morning quiet. 

Castiel’s eyes flew open, wide and alert. “What?” He sat straight up in bed, shrugging Dean’s arms off of him. “What is it?” His eyes flew around the room as Dean’s heart tried to slow. 

“Sorry….you…you were sleeping and it scared me. I thought you were….” Dean said, quieter now as his heartbeat regulated. 

“No, I allowed my body to sleep, since you were adamant I rest and I was still feeling a bit drained…” Castiel said as his eyes took on their less alarmed state. He raked a hand through his sleep-disheveled hair and Dean grinned.

“You have sexy bed head…I like it. Reminds me of when I first met you…” Dean said with a smile before he stretched and looked at the clock on the nightstand. It read 5:45. “I wonder what time mom and Sam will head out?” 

Castiel heard the implication in Dean’s tone. “Shouldn’t we head out so we can get me to my truck? I, uh, really should head back to looking for Kelly….” His voice trailed off at the last, bracing for Dean’s anger. When Dean’s eyes narrowed, Cas sighed. “I’m not running, Dean, but I did just declare my love for you last night…I think I covered decently but if we are still to keep this a secret, some distance for a little bit might be best.”

“I’m getting damn tired of the secrets. I know…I know why we started it and why we’ve continued it….but I’m so tired of it,” Dean said as he flopped back on the pillow. 

“It’s not enjoyable for me either, Dean. I promise, but look how Ishim tried to kill you without even knowing we were intimate…I am afraid for you. I have more enemies than I realized…”

“I can take care of myself, Cas. I’m not the one who almost died yesterday….” Dean growled out in frustration as he swung his legs off the bed to get dressed. “We’re both just a couple of damn cowards is what it boils down to…”

“Dean…” Castiel said softly as he reached for his shoulder.

Dean wanted to jerk away but every instinct he had was affected by his Angel’s touch. Instead his shoulders sunk and he sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too…for you know, dying…” Castiel said with a soft smile playing on his lips. Dean rolled his eyes and they both knew the air was clear. 

“Promise to come home soon if you don’t get any leads on Kelly?” Dean said as he stood, his silhouette dark as he stood near the window. 

Castiel looked on appreciatively as he stood as well. “I promise, and if I get any leads you know I will let you know immediately…”

“Okay…Let’s get dressed and get you safely on the road. Got time for breakfast?” Dean said with a mischievous grin on his face. 

“Well we do have to stop at the diner to get my truck….”  
\-----------------------------------------------  
“Dean says he ended up staying in town overnight. Too tired to drive home…” Sam said to Mary as he glanced at his phone as they checked out of their little run-down hotel room. 

“Uh huh. Did he get Castiel to his truck last night or was he too tired too?” Mary said with an odd tone in her voice. 

“Wait…are you suggesting…no way. They’re just friends mom. Really close friends but…”

“That first I love you was just for Dean, sweetie. If you missed that, I definitely need to refresh you about relationships. John didn’t do you any favors. Come on. Let’s get breakfast before we get you home.”


End file.
